The Trailing Spouse Was Robbed

Well it wasn’t really a robbery – the police are calling it a burglary.

Yesterday – someone stole my electric scooter – I am not kidding. I had an electric scooter 5 days – and poof - it was gone in 60 seconds.

Let me start at the beginning.

Two weeks ago – 3 kids of middle school age came to my door. One had a flat tire on his bike. They said our neighbor Mia told them that I had an air compressor and that I would fill the tire. So trying to be helpful and feeling nostalgic for my middle school teacher days – I fell for it – and filled their tire. Meanwhile one asked my name – and I said Harry. He said, “Thank you Mr. Harry,” and put out his hand.

I felt like I was fitting into the neighborhood like Mr. Wilson in “Dennis the Menace.” Little did I realize that they maybe were casing my house.

A couple days ago – I bought this neat little Schwinn S1000 electric scooter. It was sweet – it went about 15 miles an hour for 15 miles – I could make it over to campus and back. It only used about 4 cents of electricity a night to charge it up. I was so proud to be wearing the official energy “greenie” sticker.

Today – I was expecting guests for the Miami game. They were to arrived around 3 PM. I have 2 garage doors and had both of them open. The scooter was in the garage – in plain view from the street. A lot of strange folks drive down Seminole Drive.

My guests arrived on time – we went in the house to chat. A couple minutes later – I invited them to the garage to see my new scooter. I looked around – and all I could think about was the movie “Gone in 60 Seconds” with Nicholas Cage. My brand new scooter was gone. Yes – it only cost $350 – yes – I should not have let it visible in an open garage. But that did not make it any better – I felt raped.

It gets better.

I called the police – they came over right away – took down the information and I gave them a picture of the scooter. They put out an APB (All Points Bulletin) on the computer in the car.

I called my friends – Wayne and Shirley – they live about 2 blocks away. Wayne and Shirley were going to Sam’s today - to buy a scooter just like mine. They bought one.

I told Shirley about my burglary – it is a felony because the “perp” entered my home to get the scooter - and Shirley is my lawyer. She said she saw it about one half hour ago. They were on their front porch assembling their new scooter – when 3 kids came bay – pushing two "mopeds" – and a scooter just like mine. Shirley said, “That scooter looks just like Harry’s.” They smiled but kept walking. One of the kids had on a football jersey just like the one the kid that said, “Thank you Mr. Harry,” was wearing 2 weeks ago.

They say that a conservative is a liberal that was robbed – so right now I am feeling a little like Ronald Reagan even with the Alzheimers. Maybe this is how Al Gore felt when they stole the election from him. I hope I don’t gain 100 pounds.

Chris Rock used to do a comedy bit about being robbed in the hood. He said that someone broke into his house at night while he was sleeping. In the morning 3 kids on bikes rode by and said, “How are you doing, Mr. Harry? I heard you was robbed.”