The Trailing Spouse Deals with Senility at Age 60

Lulu had to make a short trip to Las Vegas and Washington DC. I did not want to waste the price of airfare - so I stayed home. We had just completed trips to Reno and Phoenix - and I had enough snow after the Syracuse trip - two weeks ago. Lulu would have to see the Beatles Show at Cirque De Soleil and watch the Seminoles play Carolina at the Sports Book - without me - how can she manage?

My friends - Fred and Ethel - are going to New Zealand. Whenever they fly - I like to take them to the airport. They return the favor when we go somewhere. I called Fred and said that I would take them out to TLH Airport. He said they were flying early and that they would take a cab. I insisted - and set the alarm for 6 AM.

Since Lulu had put $20 on the Seminoles plus 16.5 points - I returned to the television with added interest in the game. The Seminoles took a lead and visions of an upset and a trip to the Big Dance ended when the Seminoles ran out of gas and the number one team in the nation shot ahead.

I went to bed before the 11 o'clock news - I did not want to be late in the morning. The retired trailing spouse has so few deadlines - I did not want to miss this one. Lulu usually handles our calendar.

Today - Wednesday at 6 AM - the alarm went off. I washed and brushed my teeth - put on my clothes that I had laid out like a fireman - and bolted toward the van. I drove over to Fred and Ethel's - the house was dark. The air outside was crisp and quiet - a beautiful Tallahassee morning - a great setting for a horror movie.

I had to react fast. What should I do?

A. They had overslept and I would be a hero to wake them up.

B. I was late and they called a cab and went to the airport.

C. Carbon monoxide from the fireplace had overcome them.

I rang the doorbell several times. As soon as the lights came on - I realized that it was Wednesday - and they were flying Thursday.

D. Just then Fred came to the door half nude - and I reminded him that they fly to New Zealand - THURSDAY.

I slinked back into the van - and returned home wide awake and - feeling old and senile.

But not too worry - Lulu reminded me that in the game last night Tony Douglas went on a last second scoring spree. The Seminoles were losing by 23 points - but the final score was 90 - 77. The Seminole beat the spread and we were $20 richer!

Such is the life of the senile "unTrailing Spouse." How can Lulu ever get along without me?