Mortgages, Subprimes and Drug Dealing Money Launderers

Back in 1973, when Lulu and I were newlyweds, we saw the house of our dreams in a Popular Mechanics magazine. It was the cutest little honeymoon cedar chalet and we just had to have it. Just two years before, I was a life guard and Lulu was the teenager in a bikini at the pool, and now we were married and considering building our own home.

We bought a set of plans and went to the corner bank, Bank A. We had no money, just plans, and I was a teacher in a local school. The bank invited us to a board meeting and we stood at the table with our plans and hat in hand. They must have trusted us because they gave us $20,000 to build the home, that covered land and all. We had no down payment.

The cedar kit arrived from Seattle and we knocked it together in 3 months and were living in our 1000 square foot Taj Mahal. We had payments of $114.94. After a few lucky business decisions - the house was paid off in 5 years.

Meanwhile, Bank A turned into Bank B, then another name change made it Bank C. Finally a big eastern bank chain bought them out. We remained faithful to that bank even though all the decisions were now made hundreds of miles away at Bank D.

Fast forward 30 years, 2 kids, and millions of wonderful memories. That pretty teenage girl became a college professor. Florida State University came acallin' and we moved to Tallahassee. Since we planned to keep the chalet as a vacation home, we had to get another mortgage to buy our new home in Tallahassee. Funny thing, now houses cost 10 times as much in our new hometown.

So hat in hand once again, we went back to Bank D, the one that changed its name from A, then B, then C. They were more than happy to give us a mortgage. They told us we had an excellent rating and used the word prime a lot. Just like that we joined the world of payment books and monthly checks again.

We expected the visit the old homestead a lot, but after a few winters worrying about freezing pipes, we let the chalet go. Meanwhile, in about 4 months, Bank D sold our mortgage to Bank X in Ohio. From now on they wanted us to send our payments to Columbus. Feeling abandoned by Bank A, B, C, D, we vowed to pay the mortgage off sooner rather than later.

On December 20th, rather than buying a new car for Christmas, we decided to pay off the house. With much fanfare, I wrote out the final check and sent it off to Bank X in Columbus, Ohio. I wanted to have a big mortgage burning party but Lulu thought that was too tacky.

Every morning, I rushed to the computer to watch the payoff appear on the online mortgage account. After about 1 week, I got an overnight letter with my payoff check enclosed. A note said they would not accept your personal check. I was fuming.

I called Bank X in Columbus ready to rip off heads and take names. The person on the other end said that they would not take my personal check. Since they had been taking my checks all along, and they cleared every time, I wanted reasons. The person could not give me one. She just asked for a certified check. I hung up.

My vanity would not settle for that. I called back again, this time I asked for the manager. The manager could not find a reason. So after 30 years of faithful banking at Bank A, that changed to Bank B, Bank C, Bank D, they no longer would take my check.

I called one more time for satisfaction. This time someone said that they could take my personal check if I sent it to their Louisville, Kentucky branch. I told them I was turning 60 soon, and I was hoping to have the mortgage paid off by my birthday. I also said I never had a late payment, and I did not want my last payment to be the first. Still as of Jan 7th, the payoff has not shown up on our mortgage account.

Are you ready for the reason?

I did not make this up. They said, "We will not accept personal checks for the payoff of mortgages from people in Florida. They are usually drugs dealers laundering money."